This maybe long and I hope it makes sense. Lately I have been thinking about a lot of things. If you are reading this, it means you are probably my friend on facebook. There are some days when I just feel like getting rid of it. Have I reached a dead end? Are people just tired of me? Are people just tired of the bible verses? Are people tired of the videos, like Jeremy Camp, Casting Crowns, Third Day, Toby Mac, MercyMe, Lecrae, etc? Are people just tired of me and wished I would disappear? Does this world just not care about God or there just comes to a point where you dont want to hear about God? As I have said before, sometimes no matter how much I try or wanting to help, all I end up is pushing people away. I do get tired of the drama, the backstabbing, and just everything of this world. It just seems like no matter how much praying I do, it just doesn't help or just goes on deaf ears. Am I just too much of a "Jesus Freak" for people and just the world in general????? Just so many things I think about or come to my mind that I really cant begin to talk about it. There are just so many things I keep myself that it does get to me and bring me down and I get sad maybe borderline depression. I just generally keep to myself. Only I really know how I feel and if I do talk about it, will anyone even care????? I just dont know. Sometimes I just feel like I am on an island all by myself and even if I screamed noone would here me.

It's been awhile since I did my blog, maybe too long. I am struggling right now with my walk with God. I am not reading my bible and getting into God's word like I should. I listen to my Christian music, but sometimes that doesn't always help. I mean I listen to it and sometimes when I'm done, don't listen to it, or just get tired of listening to it, I think "Now what?" or "What's next?". There are sometimes, maybe most days, at least as of late, where it is difficult to even talk to God or if I really want to talk to Him. I don't know if or really what to call it. Demons, voices, traps, masquerade, facade, or just thinking about what people think about or will think about me. Am I really accepted in this world or am I just out there on an island by myself. I really don't know. I mean will people think I'm crazy, nuts, insane, wild, a little out there, or just way too far out there if I talk about God all the time, like I tend to do on facebook. I do get excited or just talk really loud at times and it is difficult for me to control it or don't know how to control it. I tend to do things without thinking them out. It is getting increasingly harder and harder to be a Christian in this world or just getting in God's world with so many temptations or just thinks trying to get or pull your attention away from God.

Sadly in this life, as I've discovered is you cant get along with everyone no matter how much you want to. There are people who you just dont see eye to eye with. I don't want to make enemies out of anybody. I have always meant and come in peace in all I say and do. Talking about God in this world is just not popular. It's like people have walls or defenses around them that no one can seem to break, no mater how hard they try, not even God. This world really saddens me sometimes and all I can do is pray and hope something changes. If you are reading this, it probably means we are friends on facebook and some of the stuff I just break out in pray and like God just give them something that they dont need drugs, alcohol or anything, they just need you and that no drugs or alcohol can bring them pleasure like a relationship with you. My prayer everyday is that chains be broken, lives be changed, hearts be healed, eyes be opened that once they get a taste of what God has to offer, they don't want anything else. It seems this world is revolved around movies, magazines, television, celebrities, and/or society. It seems like the excuse and I could be wrong is, well everyone else is doing it, so it must be ok. I think everyone has a belief that there is some kind of higher power or maybe acknowledges that there is a God, but thinks about what everyone else might think. There is a song by Toby Mac called Jesus Freaks and it says What will people think if there hear that I'm a Jesus Freak, what will people do if they find that's it true, I don't care if they label me a Jesus Freak, there is no disguising the truth.

As I've mentioned before, I'll try to update my blog once a week, sometimes more, just whatever comes to mind. The reason I created this blog is because I tend to keep or have kept a lot to myself and it was bringing me down, like I was depressed and didn't want to talk to anybody. That's just me, no one ever really knows how I'm feeling just because I do tend to keep a lot to myself. If you don't know, I was born an only child, so I have been and am used to doing things by myself or on my own. So the intent of this blog and it get out how I'm feeling out and not keeping it inside. I've noticed by me keeping it inside of me, it eats me and brings my down and I need to talk about it. If you are reading this, it probably means we are friends on facebook. I'm probably on it more than anyone you know, sometimes I just leave it on and if someone wants to talk, I'm more than happy to. What I have discovered about this world and kinda through facebook is that there are just some shallow people. I'm not going to say names, I know who they are. What I have discovered is that at times I have a lot to say and not a lot of people or some people appreciate it too much. I tend to or at times put bible verses, religious videos/worship songs. What saddens me at times is there are people who think "Oh here's Erik again putting another bible verse or putting another Casting Crowns, Lecrae, MercyMe, Skillet, Third Day, Tobymac song, I wish he would just water it down." I've discovered that talking about religion is not a popular thing to do in this world. Like why not just go with the flow and not rock the boat so to speak. There are people out there who if they join some kind of a religious organization/group the first thing that might come to their mind is what will my friends thing of me? Will they still love me, care for me, and just be there for me? Everyone is trying to make a name for themselves or leave a mark in this world. Everyone wants to be remembered. As I mentioned before I sometimes have a lot to say, sometimes and some people, take it the wrong way. I have always meant to and mean to come in peace in all I say and do, but it is getting harder when there are backstabbers and people who wait until the right time to kick you to the curb, like you are nothing and you no longer exist. I try to have and make as few enemies as possible.

My name is Erik Morse. I was born on April 18,1985 in Pasadena, CA, but raised in San Dimas, CA to my parents Beverly and David. I have a learning disability, in that it sometimes takes me awhile to process information. I may have to ask some questions or have them visually do it to get what they want me to do. It sometimes may drive people crazy or think I'm trying to be smart or cute, but I just don't get what they are saying or what they want me to do. I tend to keep things to myself, not many people know how I truly feel. I went to Gladstone Elementary for a short time, but like I said earlier I have a learning disability and Gladstone didn't have what I needed, so I went to Shull Elementary and put in their special ed. program. I really don't remember too much though. I went to Lone Hill Middle School from 1997-2000 and it was then it started to get rough for me, as I was trying to find my place in life, with people, society, the world, just everything really. The people who I thought I knew were distant from me. It continued into my time at San Dimas High School from 2000-2004. I had to carry around a joke book and gum just so people would talk to me just a little bit. To this day, I'm still finding my place in this world